It must be the day. JaceyMack wrote a heartfelt post and Gracielou followed it with a gift from the heart. One thing that Gracielou pointed out that is so so true is that you MUST find a therapist that works for you. They are out there, many good ones. But not every good one, in fact, is a good fit.
Trust your instincts and use your feet. If you don't feel the connection, move on. Yes, it is hard work even getting an appointment sometimes, but it is worth every bit of that hard work if you end up with someone who you can trust, who you feel hears you, and can help you develop the tools to help yourself.
Given my 4025 issues from childhood, I found myself in need of a therapist as a young adult. I found one that opened the creaky sardine can full of issues with me that over time and hard work, seemed to make a difference. It was a good experience.
Later on when a work situation made me twisted into a pretzel, I found need of another therapy course to get myself a backbone that would hold me up rather than crumble. I was in a bad place and unfortunately was not careful in making my choice.
I knew it, but didn't listen. The therapist took copious notes, nodded from time to time and watched the clock as I was allowed to wander all over the place. I was exhausted each time I left because that is what happens when you run laps in your brain and keep tripping over yourself, with little professional guidance.
I knew it was not good but I didn't listen. And I am embarrassed to say that I went back even after she fell asleep during our session. Snores and all. When it happened a second time, I had just enough self worth to get up and leave. I never did find another therapist, but I managed to quit the job and get my mental health back. Over time. A long time.
Years later, a decade almost, The Geek and I have to go to dinner at a colleague's house (his) - one of those must do dinners. We meet and greet and go out to the terrace for drinks and I was instantly transported back to hell. There sitting and drinking and laughing was the sleep deprived therapist. She didn't recognize me (I looked different) when she introduced herself but did look at me like she had met me somewhere. I pretended to be pleased to meet her and did the handshake. And then I spent the remainder of the dinner in the kitchen helping the catering staff.
Ah, yes, small world. Turns out, she doesn't practice anymore.
So choose carefully. But do choose. It is so worth it.
And thank you JaceyMack and Gracielou. You guys are good people.
Trust your instincts and use your feet. If you don't feel the connection, move on. Yes, it is hard work even getting an appointment sometimes, but it is worth every bit of that hard work if you end up with someone who you can trust, who you feel hears you, and can help you develop the tools to help yourself.
Given my 4025 issues from childhood, I found myself in need of a therapist as a young adult. I found one that opened the creaky sardine can full of issues with me that over time and hard work, seemed to make a difference. It was a good experience.
Later on when a work situation made me twisted into a pretzel, I found need of another therapy course to get myself a backbone that would hold me up rather than crumble. I was in a bad place and unfortunately was not careful in making my choice.
I knew it, but didn't listen. The therapist took copious notes, nodded from time to time and watched the clock as I was allowed to wander all over the place. I was exhausted each time I left because that is what happens when you run laps in your brain and keep tripping over yourself, with little professional guidance.
I knew it was not good but I didn't listen. And I am embarrassed to say that I went back even after she fell asleep during our session. Snores and all. When it happened a second time, I had just enough self worth to get up and leave. I never did find another therapist, but I managed to quit the job and get my mental health back. Over time. A long time.
Years later, a decade almost, The Geek and I have to go to dinner at a colleague's house (his) - one of those must do dinners. We meet and greet and go out to the terrace for drinks and I was instantly transported back to hell. There sitting and drinking and laughing was the sleep deprived therapist. She didn't recognize me (I looked different) when she introduced herself but did look at me like she had met me somewhere. I pretended to be pleased to meet her and did the handshake. And then I spent the remainder of the dinner in the kitchen helping the catering staff.
Ah, yes, small world. Turns out, she doesn't practice anymore.
So choose carefully. But do choose. It is so worth it.
And thank you JaceyMack and Gracielou. You guys are good people.
Comments
a little bump into the over exerted feed.
Perfect! You filled in all the blanks. I would've done the exact same thing and ended up in the kitchen! Ha! And you know what? I heart you too.
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Thanks Gracielou!
I had to wait until we were in the car to tell The Geek - he had no clue. Sometimes the kitchen is the exact right place to be!
I had to wait until we were in the car to tell The Geek - he had no clue. Sometimes the kitchen is the exact right place to be!
that is both hilarious and terribly sad.
completely second the idea of using your feet and trusting your gut until you find someone who clicks. Semi-recently, I (and sometimes dh & I) were seeing a therapist who pissed me off (I know, that is sometimes part of the approach). He felt patronizing and overly concerned with getting paid (he told me once when I'd forgotten a check for him that he suggested that I write it before I came) and onto his golf game. I dumped him and found a woman whom I trusted and finally felt that my $120/hour and time were not being wasted.
Therein's the key. Trust is such a vital element of the therapist relationship that you really do need to feel a level of comfort and trust. On a practical level, there are also different therapy approaches and I really connected to my second therapist's behavioral-cognitive approach much better than whatever the first was.
completely second the idea of using your feet and trusting your gut until you find someone who clicks. Semi-recently, I (and sometimes dh & I) were seeing a therapist who pissed me off (I know, that is sometimes part of the approach). He felt patronizing and overly concerned with getting paid (he told me once when I'd forgotten a check for him that he suggested that I write it before I came) and onto his golf game. I dumped him and found a woman whom I trusted and finally felt that my $120/hour and time were not being wasted.
Therein's the key. Trust is such a vital element of the therapist relationship that you really do need to feel a level of comfort and trust. On a practical level, there are also different therapy approaches and I really connected to my second therapist's behavioral-cognitive approach much better than whatever the first was.
OH no! ... small world, indeed. I agree on the therapy ... crucial. I'm still amazed that that person fell asleep in your session ... TWICE!!! Unbelievable!!!
I had one therapist who was so helpful that I only had to see her for a few months. I just needed someone to help me work out a plan of action. Later, still in my early twenties, I went to this guy who only complained about his concern over my ability to pay during our sessions. Really. I think I was cured of many of my emotional problems when I got up enough gumption to quit going to him.
So, he helped, but unintentionally. I ran into him at a concert some years later. He said hello, and I said hello back but felt oddly squicky about the whole thing.
So, he helped, but unintentionally. I ran into him at a concert some years later. He said hello, and I said hello back but felt oddly squicky about the whole thing.
This was a timely post. I need to go 'therapist shopping' for my son who suffers from crippling anxiety. Of course, the idea of looking for a therapist is igniting all of MY anxiety issues! You present good advice here which will help.
Finding the right therapist is like finding the right husband!
Thanks everyone. I admit that at the moment I wished that the terrace had a trap door I could fall through, but later on it was kind of hilarious. Like something that would happen to a comedy character...
Finding a therapist is not easy with the hoops that insurances make us go through, if the insurance covers it at all. My criteria became simple. When it came time for the appointment, did I look forward to schlepping there, and if not, why not?
I'm sure others have their own criteria too, and it would be good to share if you like.
Finding a therapist is not easy with the hoops that insurances make us go through, if the insurance covers it at all. My criteria became simple. When it came time for the appointment, did I look forward to schlepping there, and if not, why not?
I'm sure others have their own criteria too, and it would be good to share if you like.
Great advice. I have found therapy to be essential, but have also had to be selective and move to someone else if there wasn't a connection. One therapist I had told me I talked faster than any patient he had ever know. I told him that he was charging $90 per hour (year 1989 dollars) and that I wanted to get my money's worth! I actually really liked him. Hmmm. Might have to write a post about all my therapists...
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