What Phoebe REALLY thinks of seasonal drivers
- Under no circumstance should you navigate an automobile with your mouth hanging open. Why? It is distracting to other drivers/passengers and just plain not attractive. The only reason to have your mouth open like that is for things like regurgitation, or bitey face (if you are a dog), or perhaps to catch a treat.
- Do not sing while driving. Why? Because you suck. And you are never going to be on American Idol either. Unless you are Frederica Freaking Von Stade, cut it out. Aside from that, we can HEAR you even if your windows are closed.
- Get the tchotchkes off the rear view mirror. What is it with that crap? It only makes us wonder what your house looks like? Do you have fuzzy dice hanging from your bathroom mirror too? That stuff is dangerous. Especially to muses like Phoebe who think they are stuffy squeaky toys that ought to be hers. I could use a break here people. Dump the tchotchkes so my dog doesn't try to jump into your open window from her open window.
- Stop eating and driving! Why? Don’t you know that there is a law that says you can’t drink eat and drive? It says so in the Constitution. I know because Sarah Palin said so. Are you just stupid? And we can SMELL it! We haven't had lunch. And you won’t share. Not fair.
- No reading while driving. This is a rule for the passenger only. Haven’t you ever pulled up to someone reading in the passenger seat and wondered what they are reading? It’s distracting. We once saw someone reading a cookbook with fabulous photos. Do you have any idea what that does to a
persondog who is hungry? And we don’t care if drivers read. Driving is really boring so something to do like reading is a nice way to make the time go faster. - Take that phone away from ear! Hey, are you stupid? Do you not know that it is illegal to drive and have a phone to your ear? Here’s a suggestion. Text instead. It is perfectly legal.
- If you must stop traffic on a three lane 40MPH road in order to change lanes, by all means use your signal. No one will mind if you come to a dead stop in the middle of the road if you need to change lanes in order to make the next turnoff. Everyone paying attention will not hit you in the ass, but watch out for everyone else doing anything above in items 1-6. They probably will hit you in the ass. Of course, you could take driving lessons and learn how to change lanes properly or make a U-turn, but that wouldn't be any fun, would it?
- No sticker family thingys on the back window. Not until they come out with two dads, a couple of kids and the pets, or two moms the kids and the pets. And frankly, they look a little creepy like the Prop-8 Hater group signs with stick figure families.
- And no index fingers up the nostrils. The pinky is bad enough, but at least in a sudden stop you won’t be likely to squirt your brain matter out your nose. But with the index finger in there up to your knuckle, well, all bets are off. And since we are hands free with the cell phones here, I’d have to pull over and dial 911 after you crashed your car from massive finger-brain trauma. Better to keep the fingers away from your face altogether, huh?
- And last, those new glasses? They might be better utilized if they were on your face instead of the table at home. That was a stop sign you just blew through. True enough, you were only going 22MPH in a 40MPH zone, but then again you couldn't see the speed limit sign either. And no sense in turning your head to look before you merge into traffic since you still can't see anything but shadows. Just remember, the roadway changes from one year to the next! So if you only drive during the holiday season, maybe next year you might hire a driver?
- And last. I promise to stay home next year and only do my shopping online. I will not drive. I will not drive. I will not drive. Until you are safely tucked away again for another year.
Comments
took forever to find the correct spelling for tchotchkes....and guess what? there are variations. who knew!
But how do you *really* feel?
I included "tchtotchkes" in a post I wrote about boys and had to look it up also. I don't remember how I spelled it and it will bug me to death until I go back and look it up now.
Fun post about an aggravation we all share.
I included "tchtotchkes" in a post I wrote about boys and had to look it up also. I don't remember how I spelled it and it will bug me to death until I go back and look it up now.
Fun post about an aggravation we all share.
You guys are great! Lea, you can spell it that way too I learned. Apparently there is no direct translation so there are lots of varied spellings.
Lisa - I do love you!
Thanks T-bucket. I'm home and that is always better.
M.A.H. - I would never ever think this stuff about you! It is only for special special drivers who venture out just once a year.
Thanks Scruffus! That is what I was trying to do.
Lisa - I do love you!
Thanks T-bucket. I'm home and that is always better.
M.A.H. - I would never ever think this stuff about you! It is only for special special drivers who venture out just once a year.
Thanks Scruffus! That is what I was trying to do.
And men, glass is see through, picking your nose in your car is visible for the entire world to see...
I'm just sayin'...
I'm just sayin'...
Still catching up after our long trip!
#8 - My personal pet peeve. I see them constantly here in Austin, along with names, ages of the children. On the same vehicles I often see stickers with the school that the children attend and the activities in which they are involved. It's just too much information; a friend likens it to a "manual for pedophiles."
#8 - My personal pet peeve. I see them constantly here in Austin, along with names, ages of the children. On the same vehicles I often see stickers with the school that the children attend and the activities in which they are involved. It's just too much information; a friend likens it to a "manual for pedophiles."
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