Thankfully I was on PTA and knew most of the school faculty otherwise I would probably be writing this from bad parenting jail. The note was most clear. Kind, but clear.
"Please make sure your daughter either has a healthy lunch packed or lunch money. We are very sorry that you are currently running very low on food and attached you will find an application for food stamps and WIC. Anything else we can do, please don't hesitate to ask. Sincerely, Teacher with Wool Pulled Over her Eyes."
In those olden days there was no way to contact the teacher until the next day so after the interrogation of the tiny drama queen, I was completely humiliated for the entire evening. Only in 3rd grade, the girl had a head start on making her young-ish mother go gray. Years, distance and a lot of drink have made it even slightly humorous.
The child, ever a consumate drama queen at the age of 8, told the teacher after the fifth day of begging lunch parts, mostly desserts, including a free hot lunch one day from the sympathetic lunch lady, that her home had no food. We had run out and were all starving - that we often had no food in the house. Not even a dried cracker or breadcrumb.
Meantime, little drama queen was ditching her lunch bag everyday in the garbage on the way to school because it was too boring. Boring in this case meant that it contained not even a hint of a twinkie or ho ho. Merely peanut butter on whole grain with veggies or an apple. Mama didn't buy no twinks and the little queen was protesting by perfecting her method acting skills.
Nothing like inviting said teacher over for coffee and offering to make her an omelet, or any other concoction as I rattled off what fixings I had in the refrigerator. She got the point.
Needless to say, working in the social services system in a small State, having them report me would have been a tiny bit embarassing. Her teacher and I came up with a plan that would thwart the tiny drama queen right in her tracks. Everyone was instructed to ignore the kid's pleas for food and the lunch staff watched her like a hawk. No one gave her a morsel. Only had to happen once to eradicate the begging. Being really hungry was not so much fun.
All of us learned lessons with that escapade. The teacher learned to talk to the parent first. I learned to observe little drama girl a bit more carefully. But the lunch lady never really caught on. She still gave the girl a free hot lunch once in a while, particularly on grilled cheese day. No one said the little drama queen didn't have charm.
Weeks later I bought the gifted actress a twinkie. And just for a little while, my hair stopped graying.
"Please make sure your daughter either has a healthy lunch packed or lunch money. We are very sorry that you are currently running very low on food and attached you will find an application for food stamps and WIC. Anything else we can do, please don't hesitate to ask. Sincerely, Teacher with Wool Pulled Over her Eyes."
In those olden days there was no way to contact the teacher until the next day so after the interrogation of the tiny drama queen, I was completely humiliated for the entire evening. Only in 3rd grade, the girl had a head start on making her young-ish mother go gray. Years, distance and a lot of drink have made it even slightly humorous.
The child, ever a consumate drama queen at the age of 8, told the teacher after the fifth day of begging lunch parts, mostly desserts, including a free hot lunch one day from the sympathetic lunch lady, that her home had no food. We had run out and were all starving - that we often had no food in the house. Not even a dried cracker or breadcrumb.
Meantime, little drama queen was ditching her lunch bag everyday in the garbage on the way to school because it was too boring. Boring in this case meant that it contained not even a hint of a twinkie or ho ho. Merely peanut butter on whole grain with veggies or an apple. Mama didn't buy no twinks and the little queen was protesting by perfecting her method acting skills.
Nothing like inviting said teacher over for coffee and offering to make her an omelet, or any other concoction as I rattled off what fixings I had in the refrigerator. She got the point.
Needless to say, working in the social services system in a small State, having them report me would have been a tiny bit embarassing. Her teacher and I came up with a plan that would thwart the tiny drama queen right in her tracks. Everyone was instructed to ignore the kid's pleas for food and the lunch staff watched her like a hawk. No one gave her a morsel. Only had to happen once to eradicate the begging. Being really hungry was not so much fun.
All of us learned lessons with that escapade. The teacher learned to talk to the parent first. I learned to observe little drama girl a bit more carefully. But the lunch lady never really caught on. She still gave the girl a free hot lunch once in a while, particularly on grilled cheese day. No one said the little drama queen didn't have charm.
Weeks later I bought the gifted actress a twinkie. And just for a little while, my hair stopped graying.
Comments
This is a very funny post. Such clever writing.
Of course, today, you would probably be arrested for letting your child bring peanut butter to school, since it being anywhere near a child with "allergies" is enough to bring on instant death these days.
Of course, today, you would probably be arrested for letting your child bring peanut butter to school, since it being anywhere near a child with "allergies" is enough to bring on instant death these days.
That could have been me. My now 33-yr-old daughter still complains about the relatively healthy lunches I made for her. There might have been dessert, but if so it was a jelly TastyKake, nothing that could be traded for something better. Ah, me....
Excellent! Can't imagine the kid factor.
I have a cat(the mother cat in my pic) who SWEARS that I don't feed her. Ever. She was my mom's cat for two years and was spoiled beyond reason. ("Oh! Such cuteness deserves to be rewarded!" )
When I have guests, Sylvie has an uncanny sense for the ones who are weak of heart and she quickly has them in the crosshairs.
I wait, just to see how good she is at her game, and somewhere during the evening someone will enquire if it's OK to put some food in her bowl...."She seems to be really hungry! Did you forget to feed her?" Little bitch. But it is fun to watch her work her magic.
I have a cat(the mother cat in my pic) who SWEARS that I don't feed her. Ever. She was my mom's cat for two years and was spoiled beyond reason. ("Oh! Such cuteness deserves to be rewarded!" )
When I have guests, Sylvie has an uncanny sense for the ones who are weak of heart and she quickly has them in the crosshairs.
I wait, just to see how good she is at her game, and somewhere during the evening someone will enquire if it's OK to put some food in her bowl...."She seems to be really hungry! Did you forget to feed her?" Little bitch. But it is fun to watch her work her magic.
Funny post!
m. a.h., you sound hostile about allergy policies (but hopefully I'm misinterpreting). My son has a peanut allergy, although not severe enough to make him sit at the "peanut free table" at lunch. However, my biggest pet peeve, at the moment, is that, even with the sign posted on the door saying that that there are students in the class with severe nut allergies ... even with the back-to-school night classroom meeting where we discussed all of our children's various food allergies ... parents are STILL sending classroom treats that have peanuts in them, making two children in the class have to sit there with no treat while the others enjoy.
I don't care what parents put in their own kids' lunches. They aren't allowed to trade/share, and I can always move him to that special table if I feel the need. But it's just mean to send treats for all but 2 of the 5-year-olds in the class. And not just once--this has happened 3 times this year!
m. a.h., you sound hostile about allergy policies (but hopefully I'm misinterpreting). My son has a peanut allergy, although not severe enough to make him sit at the "peanut free table" at lunch. However, my biggest pet peeve, at the moment, is that, even with the sign posted on the door saying that that there are students in the class with severe nut allergies ... even with the back-to-school night classroom meeting where we discussed all of our children's various food allergies ... parents are STILL sending classroom treats that have peanuts in them, making two children in the class have to sit there with no treat while the others enjoy.
I don't care what parents put in their own kids' lunches. They aren't allowed to trade/share, and I can always move him to that special table if I feel the need. But it's just mean to send treats for all but 2 of the 5-year-olds in the class. And not just once--this has happened 3 times this year!
Oh my gracious goodness. What kids will come up with, huh?
heh heh
Ahhh...the little precious darling. I had one of those drama queens. Sometimes I could not believe what nonsense she told people just for the reaction. Well, the good news is that she grew up and turned into a pretty nice young woman. I was certain when she was about twelve that either she or I would end up in jail! LOL!
She actually works for Habitat for Humanity. Spends her life doing good. I think that's only fair, don't you? Hee hee.
She actually works for Habitat for Humanity. Spends her life doing good. I think that's only fair, don't you? Hee hee.
Oh man. I wonder what's in store for me when school days begin. Thanks for the laugh. This was a great story.
How mortifying to get a note like that!
Very funny story.
Very funny story.
This is just a pitch perfect gem of a post. Tight, funny, charming, so well written, every detail a pleasure to read. More abuot the tiny drama queen and her prematurely grey mother please.
wow, thanks you guys.
M - this was the good old days before peanut allergies were so prevalent.
ktm - thankfully, the child now has children and understands the food pyramid a little bit.
kitehlips - not easy to spell that one in a hurry! L&P do that all the time. appears as though we never feed their cute butts.
dogmom - I would always always make sure to bake or create treats that all the kids could eat. I wish other parents would read the memo!
Thank you Allie. There's more!
RG - she could sell a dogsled to someone in FL!
O - I am mailing her to you!
Gracie - thankfully! I was sure I'd end up in bad parenting jail as the years went on, but she, like yours, turned out to be a good kid. A great mom and is working her way through school.
JustJuli - oh stay tuned!
Scruffus - for sure it was. I should have saved it.
Sally - thank you so much. and absolutely, more tales to come.
M - this was the good old days before peanut allergies were so prevalent.
ktm - thankfully, the child now has children and understands the food pyramid a little bit.
kitehlips - not easy to spell that one in a hurry! L&P do that all the time. appears as though we never feed their cute butts.
dogmom - I would always always make sure to bake or create treats that all the kids could eat. I wish other parents would read the memo!
Thank you Allie. There's more!
RG - she could sell a dogsled to someone in FL!
O - I am mailing her to you!
Gracie - thankfully! I was sure I'd end up in bad parenting jail as the years went on, but she, like yours, turned out to be a good kid. A great mom and is working her way through school.
JustJuli - oh stay tuned!
Scruffus - for sure it was. I should have saved it.
Sally - thank you so much. and absolutely, more tales to come.
LOL, kids are ever so sneaky! I was like that, only my thing was the pudding cup.
Pawed
Pawed
After years of putting apples in lunches I found out the that none of my kids ever ate them. To think of all the grocery trips to bring home so many apples to put in so many days that turned to weeks to months to years of apples that didn't get eaten, all turned to mush.
Funny post, thanks.
Funny post, thanks.
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