Wanted: two-family bladder at minimum. Must be strong, and able to hold own weight for several hours and not bother other tenants, like the kidney family. Will pay going rate of one glass of fine red wine per evening and several glasses of bottled water with lemon. No need to call, or send resume. Just show up on the Sunday next and be prepared to be hired on the spot. Preference given to those who have experience but are still elastic and young. No need to report this for discrimination because no one will believe you anyway.
It all started because I was born by a river, but not in a tent. In a hospital near the Erie Canal, technically not a river, but close enough. It is quite evident that my bladder was switched at birth with an old person who must have been wandering the halls of the hospital. These were the days when no doors were locked anywhere and surgical instruments were given out as party favors to patients who needed coaxing to eat, and frankly, a little help cutting the salsbury steak. At least that is the story I was told.
In any case, it has been a long time coming and it is finally my turn to get that new bladder. I've suffered long enough with one that is about the size of a pea, and won't rest when I do. It actually has petitioned for mediation, a guardian ad litem, and to be a ward of the court because it thinks I treat it badly by ignoring its pleas and whining. And it would be right. It just isn't fair that I would have to get up 75 times a night to acquiesce to a body part that wasn't mine to begin with, let alone one that seems to party all night when the rules clearly state that all tenants must be super quiet after 11PM.
Applicants! Don't forget to arrive early because I am expecting a long line given the perks of the job and the payscale. I will even throw in a health plan and paid time off. Oh, and grand vacations should I ever be able to take one again. And just for fun, a beverage of your choice every Friday after 3PM. Kidney family, President of the tenant's association, to sign off on final approval.
It all started because I was born by a river, but not in a tent. In a hospital near the Erie Canal, technically not a river, but close enough. It is quite evident that my bladder was switched at birth with an old person who must have been wandering the halls of the hospital. These were the days when no doors were locked anywhere and surgical instruments were given out as party favors to patients who needed coaxing to eat, and frankly, a little help cutting the salsbury steak. At least that is the story I was told.
In any case, it has been a long time coming and it is finally my turn to get that new bladder. I've suffered long enough with one that is about the size of a pea, and won't rest when I do. It actually has petitioned for mediation, a guardian ad litem, and to be a ward of the court because it thinks I treat it badly by ignoring its pleas and whining. And it would be right. It just isn't fair that I would have to get up 75 times a night to acquiesce to a body part that wasn't mine to begin with, let alone one that seems to party all night when the rules clearly state that all tenants must be super quiet after 11PM.
Applicants! Don't forget to arrive early because I am expecting a long line given the perks of the job and the payscale. I will even throw in a health plan and paid time off. Oh, and grand vacations should I ever be able to take one again. And just for fun, a beverage of your choice every Friday after 3PM. Kidney family, President of the tenant's association, to sign off on final approval.
Comments
ah lulu, i feel your pain. i quit smoking about wow going on a year and a half ago now, and i usually get to sleep through the night since then. but other than that, i have no advice. i DID start drinking less water, though. which might help.
very funny post on a very annoying subject. rated.
very funny post on a very annoying subject. rated.
oh my, my, my ... what to say ??? lol!!!
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